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FYI: I talk about my period here. Just a heads up. Nothing gruesome or anything, but I do talk about it.
I have had the biggest hormonal and depressing roller coaster ride ever since February. It has been very hard.

Clayton is 17 months... I have started to decrease his breastfeeding sessions and have started to implement water in between feedings. He is so stinkin' healthy. He has been sick only 2 times his whole life (haha). At 4 months he was around a little girl who had a very contagious cold and around 16 months when there was a flu bug going around. He was AMAZING during the flu. Laughing, being goofy, and cuddling. Breast milk does his body good! (and his great whole foods diet.)

So, anyways, back to where I started. My milk supply has decreased. I still nurse Clayton plenty (morning when he wakes up, about and hour later, before lunch, before dinner, and before bedtime), so I am still pumping out some serious milk but not enough to keep my period in hibernation.
January 5th was my first day of darkness. boo hoo. I got to learn how well Hydrogen Peroxide gets blood out of sheets, carpet, towels, baby changing pad, clothing..... (had a major accident at someone ELSE's HOUSE! ahh!) Besides that no major flaws. 17 months of not having a period was cleaned out and ready to go 2 weeks later.

It was February when my normal period came on that I struggled the most hormonally. I was beyond depressed, angry, sad, cried, threw tantrums... you want to be married to me right now, huh?

I was a nightmare. I should have disappeared for 6 days because I was horrible in every way possible. I felt like I was at a dead end and I couldn't dig myself back to me...the real me. She was gone. What came out was all of the feelings that had been tormenting me for the past couple months - worries, stress, etc. Satan was having a party in my head.

My husband was very patient and tolerant of me that week. He listened to me and tried to comfort me. But, no matter what, I just kept getting worse.

I never experienced this postpartum. I did not have depression after birth. I didn't cry (except during my horrible hospital experience), and pretty much was tired and exhausted.

The joys of being a woman. This was my first real, normal period (not the cleaning out one that lasted 2 weeks - the first time my period came) and I am so scared that having a baby has turned me into the woman I have heard horror stories about while they are on their period. The woman who is told, "Take a Pill!".

My hormones are changing in my final stage of "birth" back to my pre-pregnancy hormones, and the change can take a real toll on a woman. So, if you are going through this or have - I'm with you. You are not alone.

Literally, the next day after my period stopped I was normal again. The mud in my head was clear as day and I felt alive again - and myself. I have never felt relief like this before because I was no longer trapped in the anguish that I was feeling.

Lauren

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