I pictured myself huge with a growing baby and all of a sudden I felt labor pains. I would go into labor, naturally, endure the pain and then I would get the sensation to poop, push, and vwa-la a baby comes out!
The first time I went into labor was for about 12 hours. I had pains every 4-5 minutes. Water made it worse. I was so unbelievably uncomfortable but excited because this was it. My baby boy was going to be in my arms by the end of the day. Boy, was I wrong. After 12 hours it stopped. Like a tornado demolishing houses and then a beautiful clear sky emerges - that was my first labor. It was heart breaking. I actually didn't even know that could happen, but it did.
The next day I woke up and there it was again. I slept all night and had no pains whatsoever. The difference though was my body was so stinkin sore from being in labor for so long that I could barely move. All I could think was, "How the heck and I am going to push a baby out feeling like this?! Is this how it is supposed to be??????" This time, it lasted 8 hours and then NOTHING.
I slept for about 4 hours and woke in the middle of the night with terrible pains (it feels like severe diarrhea). So, I walked around the house at 2 a.m. breathing and let my husband sleep since he didn't need to wake up in case it was a false alarm...again. After walking in circles for hours I sat down on the couch and all of a sudden my mucous plug came out. I started getting SO excited! I woke my husband because I thought this was it. Called my midwife and she said to give it more time and call when it got worse. Well, it didn't. It didn't stay the same. She said that I didn't sound like I was in labor, which in my head I thought, "WHAT?! What the heck do you know!? Are you feeling what I feel?!" But, regardless of how I felt I believed and trusted her. My pains lasted all day. By the end of the day I was a mess. I felt terrible. My midwife suggested that I take something to stop the labor, so I could rest and get a break, so reluctantly I did. I didn't want to stop a labor because what if it didn't start again?! I actually laugh now because she was totally right and I was so lost and had no clue what to look for and how to feel or what this was about. I was a rookie 100%.
I took the pill, slept, finally ate, and felt so much better. This is where I just get plain stupid and desperate.
"There is no need to rush a labor. The baby will be ready when it is ready." my quote AFTER giving birth to Clayton.
A friend of mine's sister was due the same time that I was and was going to get induced by her doctor. I was jealous that she was going to see her baby (TOO MANY HORMONES!), so I decided it was time to speed this up a bit (STUPID ME). I went and gave myself an enema. Well my water broke alright but it was the bag up top which did absolutely nothing but make me leak uncontrollebly. I was STREP B positive, so it pretty much meant that I had to do something soon because the bacteria could get to my baby and hurt him. Note: DON'T RUSH LABOR...LET IT BE.
So, I went to my midwife to get checked. She confirmed it was amniotic fluid and I had to start taking antibiotics, which are terrible for my body and my baby's body. She sent me home and told me to take castor oil to see if I would go into labor. I didn't - just was up all night pooping. :( Not fun. So, then she told me to walk and see what happens. Of course the only thing I had was reef flip flops and I wasn't home but with my friend at her sister's house (who was with her baby in the hospital), but I went on. I walked 5 whooping miles. My feet were terrible. I remember people asking me, panicked, what happened, haha. No baby still.
So, I went to the midwife, she broke my water for me, which was very, very warm. Kinda felt cool. She told us to go eat, watch a movie, until it was time and that I would know. I doubted that but smiled and went on my way.
We went to Chick fil A and while my husband was ordering it started. I remember being on the phone with my friend and having to hang up and call her back in between contractions. At first, there were tolerable. My husband came back with food, I ate in between contractions, and then once I finished - it was D day. I was screaming bloody murder. I now knew what she meant when she said that I would know when the time came. I was screaming, " I WANT JENNIE! I WANT MY MIDWIFE!! CALL HER!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!" I was a hot mess. So, he called in between one of my contractions and mid conversation another came....it was like a rush of razor blades from my stomach to my crouch. I howled this time (it was stronger than all the others) and I could hear Jennie on the phone say, ok, she's ready bring her in. I laugh now because I now know that she was waiting for that to confirm the labor. Smart lady! :)
That car was my death. I hated it and despised it with every inch of my being. I wanted to kick it and murder it. It took FOREVER to get to the birth place but finally we made it. They put me in the shower, which was supposed to relax me a little...ha! what a joke! Water did not relax me, comfort me, or feel good. It made my contractions so much worse. The razor blades turned into giant expensive dull knives cutting every part of my body from the top of my waist down. That shower was turning into the car....I was feeling attacked by water.
I got out and they moved me to the toilet to sit. It was like sitting on a crate of dynamite. It was terrible. My contractions were so stinking strong. I couldn't think very far into the future. I didn't even think about the baby that was trying to get out. All I could think about was the pain.
They put me on the bed and I remember screaming, "I'M DYING!!! HELP ME!!" Which then turned into, " I WANT TO DIE!!! HELP ME!!" I was miserable. I was in every position to help with the pain. Nothing worked. The tub was out at the moment because I wasn't even close to birth. So, then they suggested the birthing ball. That thing is AMAZING! It was my saving grace. I rolled back and forth slowly during contractions, figured out how to breath, moaned lowly. It was happening. I finally thought about what was happening to me. I was having a baby! I couldn't even tell you how long I was on the ball because time vanished. I would get up and walk around. During a contraction I would stop, squat, and then continue. Sometimes when I had the strength I would walk through them, which you are supposed to do to increase the dilation of the uterus. I would switch from ball to walking and it was going great. Then, the pain increased higher than it was. I knew where I was. I read about it. I was in the transitional stage. 6-10 centimeters. I could tell.
Jennie checked me and said I still had more to go, which I thought I was still 2 cm, which I was for the last 1 1/2 I was pregnant. I got so mad. Cursing in the shower how I had been in all of this pain for nothing. That this is a load of crap. I was so mad. Randy (my husband) went out to talk to them and came back in and comforted me. He told me I was doing good and to keep it up. I looked at him with anger in my eyes and asked him/told him, "I'm still 2 cm aren't I? They are going to send me to the hospital, aren't they?!" Then I sobbed (loudly), "I DON'T WANT TO GO TO THE HOSPITAL!!!!!!" I was the biggest, loudest, whiniest baby and I did not care. He told me, seeing I was about to give up that I was 6 cm and Jennie said she didn't want me to know because many women say that they are almost there, give up, and labor stops. That was the opposite. I was about to give up because I thought I had no progress. Knowing I made it 6 cm empowered me. I stayed in the shower as long as I could, sat on that toilet, and walked through contractions. This baby was coming! I was ready for him! Jennie had me on the bed and was torturing me with her fingers stretching my uterus during contractions. Then it was time. He was ready to come out. I was 10 cm and he was making his way down. I pushed when told to. Randy saw his head, which just gave me more umph to push harder. Jennie said he was almost there. I pushed, and pushed, and pushed but no baby. She moved me to the floor and I knew it was time because she brought all of her gear with her down there. It was so uncomfortable pushing because I had to squat, which was so painful because of how tired I was and how heavy I was but I did it. She told me, "Three more pushes and you will have your baby!" I pushed so hard 3 times. No baby. I pushed and pushed and pushed. No baby. Then it hit me, somethings wrong. It was like being constipated but with baby. I went on my left side, and felt something. The baby was moving inside of me....and there it was a rush of pain in my back. He went from the normal way to be birthed to sunny side up, which is the painful way. :( I literally felt like I was pushing out knives but regardless of the pain I was in I pushed, still no baby. His heartbeat was still very strong thank goodness. I got into the tub. The hotter the water was the better. I pushed holding onto Jennie's arms, which was so comforting to me. I felt loved. Still no baby.
By this point I was in tears. My hair was a stringy mess, all in my face like cousin it off of the Adamm's Family. I had been pushing for 5 hours straight. He wasn't coming out. He was stuck and I knew it.
I got dressed and waited for the ambulance. My worst fears were coming. I was going to the hospital. Everything that I didn't want happened. I got to the hospital and they entered me into the labor room immediately, thankfully. Let me tell you, the last place you want to be is on a stretcher while having contractions. So painful! I remember when we got to the room that one of the nurses said, "Can I ask you some questions?" I looked at her evilly, as if she was such an idiot for being so inconsiderate because I was obviously in the worst pain OF MY LIFE! and grumpily said, "NO." I have never told someone no before. It was amazing. So, I got an epidural, which they then gave me pitocin. That is when I was having fun. I ignored the fact that it was happening and was happy about the pain in my back being relieved and that I could still have my baby boy vaginally. I was higher than the sun. I think I told every person around that I loved them. I wanted to be their friend. I told complete strangers about how good I felt. I knew why people drank alcohol or did drugs... lol. I pushed for 1 1/2 more hours and the OBGYN who worked with my midwife at the hospital gave us the talk. She mentioned the most unthinkable fear of mine, C SECTION.
I cried. I cried because I was angry at myself for not getting the job done, rushing labor, and not being able to give birth to my son the way I wanted - all because of my stupid idea to rush the labor.
I was given a heavy epidural and then taken to the surgical wing of the hospital. I was even happier (because of the drugs) and was in another galaxy at this point. They picked me up in the sheet and I remember saying, "WEEEEEEEEEE!!" in a high pitched voice. Then asked them if we could do it again! I was having a blast! I said hi to each doctor. Asked the how they were doing. Then, I felt something on my stomach and screamed, "STOP! DON'T CUT!! I CAN FEEL THAT!!! AHH!" (I would make an entertaining drug addict). She then said can you feel that? She apparently took some forceps and gave me a reeeaaalll nice pinch. I said, "I can feel the pressure!" She said that I was fine because she gave me a reall good pinch and if I didn't feel that I was ok. She said that I would feel pressure. While they were doing the surgery I was asking them what they were doing.
Then it was time. 1:11 p.m. I started the day before at 5 p.m. with the contractions at Chick fil A and finally at 1:11 p.m. the labor was over. He was born.
Nothing happened the way it was supposed to and it definitely didn't get easier after that but I had my little boy. He was perfect and I was relieved that he was mine and I could hold him in my arms.
My husband, Clayton, and I just after surgery.